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Hello Payton Elise,

It’s me again. Another Friday night has passed and it has not gotten any easier and the hurt has not gotten any less. This Friday was four weeks since your memorial service. I was up again at 1:33 and replayed that morning in my head. The text messages and the frantic feelings of trying to get to your daddy and mommy. The getting worse news of my life, having to relay that news to family & friends. Then the waiting for you to arrive so that we would have those too few precious moments to spend with you to fill our hearts for a lifetime. Even the brief moments of hoping that God would answer this prayer for me and my hope that you would be in your mommies arm with daddy grinning widely looking at your beautiful face. But that didn’t happen.  I asked your Aunt Jonna when is it going to get better and she just shrugged.

Your mommy and daddy seem to be working on things and are trying to get this back to where they were and hopefully better than the way it was before you came and left so quickly. I need your help to make sure that they keep moving forward and can find their own peace. They still have not went to get your death certificate or the marker with your name on it. I think that they are dreading doing that because it just makes it really final and some how by not doing those last two things it just keeps them in some sort of holding pattern and a place of denial. Or maybe that is just me over thinking things. I tend to do that sometimes too. I do not think that I will ever think of Friday’s as a happy day ever again. No more T.G.I.F.’s from me because that is the day that brought you and took you at the same time.  I love you sweet angel girl and I miss you so so so much!  I love you to Heaven and Back ~Forever & Always! ~

As Always Your Nanny

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