I have tried to stay away from this page to get through finals and all that it took to finish this semester. Well the semester is over and I did okay. I ended up with 3 A’s and 1 B. Not so happy about the “B” because of why it ended up that way, but after these last two months it is not as big of a deal as I would have once thought it to be. Just because I have not been on here does not mean that you have not been on my mind because there is hardly an hour of the day that goes by that you are not on my mind. When I am holding your cousin Ethan there is that moment when I am wishing that you were snuggled in my other arm.
I am not the same person that I was before you went away. Things are so much different and it is still hard for me to believe that you won’t be here with us. Pappy and I went to the funeral home for your mommy and daddy to pick up the papers and the remembrance book. They have tried to go there to do it themselves but just have not been able to do it. Daddy came and picked them up from us when we got back home. They seem to be doing better. They are trying to find a house to buy and they really are not home very much. I think that it is still too hard for them to be there. I do not think that they will pack up your room or your things unless they do move and then it will be because of the move and nothing else. I wish I knew the right things to say and do for them. Your mommy went back to work this week and I know that has helped keep her busy. Your daddy is looking for work and I think that he needs something to keep him busy too.
So much has been happening but I do not want to write it all down now. I want to try to be in bed and a sleep before it is that time again. Although it doesn’t matter if I am a sleep or not because it still replays in my mind and my heart no matter what day or time it is. I want you here so so so bad and I do not think it is ever going to feel any better. I just need to pray more but even that has changed for me. I do not pray the same way that I used to anymore. I hope that you got to meet my daddy’s cousin Bobby when he arrived in heaven on the 14th. I asked him to give you a big kiss from me. I am glad that someone else is there to watch over you until it is our turn. I wish there was a way for us to know without a doubt that you are okay and your happy. I wish I could know that you know how much we love you and miss you. I know that one day we will know but it is the not knowing of now that is so hard for me. It’s just me “your control freak” nanny and not having any control over this is almost too much for me. Something else to pray about I suppose.
I love you so much our precious little angel girl! Love you Heaven and Back ~Forever and Always~
As always your Nanny