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Hi my sweet angel,

Why does it seem that this day comes faster than any other every week? I dread this night and the coming morning because they take me one more week further away from when I saw and held you in my arms last. It does not get any easier and I feel my faith in God being tested over and over again in a way that it never has been before. I honestly do not know if I can keep it going for everyone else much longer. I just want to crawl inside of myself and stay there until I am with you again. I want all of the silly songs and dances that I had thought we would share to come true. I want to play dress up and have tea parties and all of the things that you do with little girls. When I start to feel like this and think this way I just pull back and think about your cousins. I love them both so much and I want to do a lot of those same things with them. It is different with little boys and after a while they are not the delicate little baby that I came to know. They are rough, tough and tumbling boys. They melt my heart and keep me sane.  I know it is selfish but I want all of you here and not there where you are. I mean I want us all to be there together one day but I wanted to watch who you would become and what you would do with your life first. God has other plans that have yet to be shown to us and I have to believe that they are big plans or why take you from us? Why take any child from their parents? Maybe you can ask him for me and then find a way to let me know that answer because I just do not understand his reasoning. I know we are not to question the will of God but I can’t seem to help myself. I can only hope that he knows me and my heart well enough to understand why I question.  Miss you, miss you, miss you…and that will NEVER change until we are together again.  I think that I will stop by your place tomorrow again for a little while to check on your flowers and your butterflies. I hope that you will visit with me.

I love you to Heaven and Back ~Forever and Always!~

As Always Your Nanny

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