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Payton 002My sweet angel baby,

How your nanny misses you. It is not just on these milestone days there is a hole in my heart that will never heal. You are 9 months old today and I wonder what you look like now. Do you have any of those sweet baby teeth that your cousin is still trying to get to break through his gums? Are you crawling? Sitting up? Probably not because you have wings. How wonderful heaven must be especially with you in it. I know that your mommy and daddy miss you so much too and that they are trying to focus on moving forward while I seem to be stuck in this place. I know that even though they are not really telling anyone yet that you were the first to know that you are going to be a big sister in October. They are happy but so scared because of what happened to you. The doctor is running all kinds of tests on mommy and your baby brother or sister. ( I think that it will be a brother because I think it is too soon for another little girl for them.) Mommy is taking blood thinners every day to help make sure that what happened to you does not happen to this baby. She would have done it with you too, if only she had known. A simple test could have possibly meant that you would still be here with us and not there in heaven. A simple blood test that insurance doesn’t think is necessary until something horrible happens. Please keep a watch over your mommy, your daddy, your big brother -Cammy who’s mommy is there in heaven with you and this new baby too. They are still waiting to go to court to be able to have Cammy live with them while still spending time with his mommies family. July seems so far away when we want to see, love and comfort him too but we have been waiting since September already so it is not much longer now. Mommy is having an important test next week that will tell her and daddy if everything is okay and they will find out the results in three long weeks. (They will also know if your having a baby brother or a baby sister.) They would have had their hands full with you, your big brother, and this new little one. We would have helped them manage and it would have been so wonderful to have you three together.  I guess it still will be all three of you together just not in the way that I want you to be.

I love you princess of my heart. Nothing in this world will ever change my love for you sweet angel girl. I love you to heaven and back ~forever & always!~

Your Nanny